I feel like sometimes I am drowning in a sea of preconceptions. Of what my life should be like. Of where I should be going. Sometimes I feel I am sinking into failed choices. Failed goals. Dreams left unrequited.
I feel overwhelmed by my inability to keep up. My failings at not enough….
- To write enough.
- Read enough.
- Bake enough.
- Smile enough.
- Run enough.
- Self disciplined enough
- Be smart enough.
Or my failing at being too much.
- Too emotional
- Too soft
- too loud
- too rude
- curse too much
- weight too much
- indulge too much
when does if feel right to simply be enough.
When is being me enough? It feels near impossible when every moment has a part of it that makes me feel like I am failing adulthood.
A test I forgot to study for. A curriculum that I was not prepared for.
Who signed me up for this?
Who thought this was a good idea?
A forced next step in the direction they tell me to go. That is what this feel like. Forceful organization of the masses to follow all the rules and be a certain way.
But when will they stop grading me? When will we stop comparing our marks?
And just get on with the story of being enough.