I have enrolled in a creative writing course. We have assignments bi weekly. They seem to be helping me spark a creativity in my writing.
I thought I would share them 🙂
By: Jessica Kennedy
‘So to conclude, this week has been a gongshow. We all need to buckle down, pull out the big guns, put in the time and get the work done. C’mon team. Show me you are worth the effort.’
His loud and icy tone allowing his voice to penetrate each corner of the room filling the space with a fear that consumes. Shit. It is here, the moment I waited for all morning. Nervously pacing, Dreading, anticipating. The whole morning filled with this feeling. The ‘pit in my gut’ feeling. This weight. If I wanted to speak, if I wanted to show this man I am more than what he perceives, I have to do it now.
I can’t go another week, waiting for another one of these mundane and redundant budget meetings to finally be the woman here I am meant to be. It is bad enough that I am the only woman here. Either ignored or leered at. I am background noise to them. A way to fill a quota, a way to diversify. I mean nothing substantial, I am here to make them feel good about who they are. I am here to rub their ego a little more.
I really thought this time it could be different. It seemed different. In the beginning I came out blazing, all my confidence on high and my knowledge connected. I was on fire. But then IT happened. The unspeakable. After that I lost what I had gained. And in turn traded my power for fear. Here there is more fear. But I can change it, All I need to do it speak. Regain control, be brave, and show them who I am.
I need this.
I need him to appreciate me, to understand me, to know I am more. I need them all to know just what I can do here.
Come on Julie, Speak! Form words. Coherent thoughts. You can do this.
Repeat after me, I am a powerful, intelligent woman. I am a powerful, intelligent woman. I am a powerful, intelligent woman.
And here I go… His world is going to be rocked, his mind blown and my status regained.
‘umm, sir, hmmmmm….excuse…’
I speak, Like a field mouse to the big blue sky. My thoughts lost in the vastness of the moment.
‘Fernandez? What?’ His blue eyes gazing at me with a sense of disgust. ‘Really, we need to get back to work now. Seriously, have you not been listening at all? What do you want?’ The voice from my nightmares bellows towards me.
‘Nothing sir, sorry to interrupt. You did a great job. Great presentation’ And its gone, again. My moment to shine. My potential smothered just a little more. My fire losing its air, being snuffed out slowly. This day simply adding to my list of fleeting moments, their potential to be grandeur and transformative blending into one another. Losing all relevance in the big picture. Meekly I travel on the road to an unknown fate.
There is always next week.
By Jessica Kennedy
The car door made a loud noise. I covered my ears. Loud noises make me feel scared.
I am scared lots of times.
When I get scared the monsters show up.
A lot of things make the monsters sneak up.
Loud noises definitely make the monsters come.
I feel her hand. It’s on my shoulder. She helps with the monsters. I didn’t think she knew about them but she is always around when I feel the loud shakes and stomping sounds.
She takes my hand. We walk together.
She is good.
She knows not to talk to much.
Most people talk too much. Most people make too much noise and move around too much.
Most people make the monsters appear.
I know today is important. She told me this lunch was a special lunch.
I don’t know why.
I couldn’t hear her when she was talking to me today.
My brain waves were somewhere else.
My brain waves are really busy. Always really busy.
I feel better when my brainwaves keep me busy.
It is easier to forget pounding monsters when you are busy.
Today I was with my cars.
Counting and lining.
Counting and lining.
Counting and lining.
That helps with the monsters.
I only remember my cars. I did not hear why today was important.
We are walking slow.
This is a new place.
We have never been here before.
I am glad we are walking slow.
It is really bright outside. The ground is black. Hard and dark. It looks new. I think the big truck was just here to put this ground down. The smell hurts my nose. It smells kind of like the stuff in the bathroom that she uses to to make the red on her nails go away.
The sun makes the black ground feel like lava under my flip flops.
A car is coming towards us. Slowly.
She makes me walk faster. She says the car doesn’t want to wait for us.
She makes my legs move faster than I like. They feel wobbly.
We finally get to the sidewalk. She says we are here.
I look up. It is a red building. Bright red. The walls are stacked stones. Perfectly staked. I can count them. I like that. The walls have lots of posters on them.
Lots of peoples faces.
Too many faces.
I can smell pizza.
Yum. I like pizza. But I don’t like cheese and the red sauce. But I like mushrooms.
Just mushrooms on my pizza is my favorite.
It is a big building. Tall and wide. The shadow of the building blocks the sun. I feel better. I am not as hot.
We walk closer to the door. She lets us walk slow again. I like this. I am feeling ok. The big sun blocking building doesn’t seem so scary.
There is Music is playing. It is coming through a black box above the door.
I don’t like the music. It’s too loud.
I cover my ears again.
She crouches down. I can see her face.
Her face is wet.
I don’t know why. It was dry when we were in the car.
I tell her she should get a towel, her face looks like it had a bath.
She laughs. I like her laugh.
She tells me it is going to be ok. She tells me that we will find a place to sitaway from the loud black box.
She is good at promises.
We push open the door together. It is big. Heavy. And red.
I don’t like red. It is too loud. I am starting to not like this sun blocking, loud, red building.
We walk through the door and enter a little space. I ask her if we can eat lunch in here.
I like it in there.
No music, no other people, no monsters.
She laughs again. But not as nice as before.
This laugh is different.
She says this is just the entrance way. We have to enter one more door to get into the restaurant.
We open the next door. Slowly. Even more slowly.
I am glad.
Because I am scared.
The door is open. We have to go in.
The music is so loud. I cover my ears again. A girl with shiny hair is talking at me. The girl is bright and sparkly. Shiny girl is smiling a lot and staring at me. I don’t like it.
I look away.
We have to follow Shiny girl. She is walking fast.
We walk to a room in the back.
Shiny girl looks at us points ahead and walks back to the red doors.
I am glad.
She moved too much. She was too sparkly.
She crouches down and hugs me. She takes my hands off my ears and tells me it is quieter back here.
I put my hands back.
I am keeping them covered.
We walk together. I am looking at my feet.
I have new flip flops. I like them.
We got them at the big blue store.
We have a few stores we go to. A blue store, a red store and a yellow store.
The blue store is my favorite.
I liked these shoes the best.
They make a ‘slap-slap’ noise everytime I walk. I feel it on my feet.
I count each ‘slap-slap’.
My brain waves are busy.
This is good.
She stops. I feel her hand on my shoulder.
My ‘slap- slap’ stops.
I look up.
I keep my ears covered.