Distancing from the chaos of my life…to enjoy the chaos of my day.

I write on my front porch most morning. I am up early with coffee and my journal and forge 20- 45 minutes of alone, quiet time. I sacrifice sleep for this moments. If you were to read my journal, the theme would jump out at you… I LOVE my alone time.

Re-reading some of my passages, I started to feel a little guilty about how much I love to be alone. I write about it a lot. So I had to think, do I like the rest of my chaotic day as much as my mornings alone?

And truthfully the answer was yes. I love my chaotic days. Full of screams, giggles and running around. I love the job that I have that allows me to stay home and dress in my favourite uniform ( yoga pants and a tee shirt). I love talking to kids, cuddling toddlers and laughing at preschoolers funny non-sensical jokes. I love the rest of my day, after I have had my alone time.

Key word here is ‘after my alone time’. I came to realize that if I don’t journal and sit alone for a bit each day, my life’s realities (financial stress, marital dynamics, home issues ect.) weigh heavy on my mind. When those thoughts are lingering in my subconscious, I do not enjoy my chaotic life. I am distracted and distant. I am irritable and snappy. It is not fun.

My chaos and my peace go hand and hand. I was made to be with kids. I was made to have many kids around playing and just simply being. But I can only handle the chaos if I remember that peace is needed. My mind needs peace from the overwhelming realities of life. I imagine we all need peace, but do we all actively search for it? We do need the counterbalance to survive. Most peoples days are so chaotic, no matter what you do. Those simple moments of peace are truly a necessity.

I have found my release with journaling, blogging and coffee. Some peoples might be yoga, meditating, sleeping, the gym, movies or tv, walks, running, or reading. Whatever it may be, find your peace. The thing you do to distance and calm the chaos of your life so you can handle the chaos of your day, we all need a little peace.



A day of beauty for the birthday boy

I was up at 5 am. Baking confetti cakes and figuring out if chocolate sprinkles could look like gravel for his ‘cars’ cake. I was running around organize, planning, decorating and preparing. It was my sweet canty-boy’s birthday. My baby boy was turning two.
The day was very reminiscent of his day of birth, 2 years ago. The anticipation of his beautiful day was floating yet the chaos of it all was outstanding.
His slow anticipation into the world (10 days late) but yet chaotic upon arrival. The emergency c-section and the 2 days in Cheo, seemed all so intense.
Yet the moments of beauty made it worth the chaos. Like when I first got to hold him at Cheo. After spending 24 hours looking at his picture and craving his touch, I attempted to pump milk for him. The anticipation was intense. That first cuddle, his body against mine, heart beat slowing down. United again. Those moments when he first latched and got his taste for breast milk, how everything changed for him. The nurses at Cheo told me that his heart rate was so rapid that if any one came near him or touched him it spiked to a point of worry. But once his mama came, all got better.
My baby boy.
And once united with me, he essentially spent his first four week wrapped in a sling against my chest. I always had him close. Maybe to curb my fear of almost losing him.
How I miss those moments. Always having the option to tilt my head down and breath in his sweet scent.
My sweet canty boy.
This weekend we celebrated his 2nd birthday. In a theme of ‘cars’ no less. Very fitting for my little race car that zoomed into our lives and changed everything.
My beautiful boy is growing up to be an amazing kid. Full of energy and life. He has a smile that melts hearts and makes you swoon. My little boy. He’s a mamas boy and I would have it no other way. Always and forever Canton. You are my sunshine. You completed this family and melted the hearts of us all.
Happy birthday sweet boy.


Summer here we come: how I am letting spontaneity rule this summer.

Summer has arrived. The kids are off, camps are planned and days are busy. As a daycare provider and stay at home mom, everyday is substantially chaotic and busy. But summer seems to add a whole new dynamic to our current daily chaos.

Confession time…
Summer stresses me out.

I know it is a time of fun, rest, relaxation. Each winter we continue countdowns till the first days of warmth, but for me, once it has arrived I immediately get stressed out.
It throws off our routine and I will fully admit I am a routine girl. I am constantly looking past the late bedtime, no naps, extra treats, or the late parties and anticipating the meltdowns to come. I feel guilty about the lack of consistency to our days, the loss of eating three meals a day rather just grazing whenever we feel like it, or all the times I use the tv for some Mama and kiddie downtime. I am looking for the faults in all of the changes to our daily lives.
I find that since becoming a mama, I am even less spontaneous then I was before. I have never been a ‘fly by the seat if my pants’ type of person, but now it has escalated to a point of discontent. The idea of a late BBQ with my kids puts me in mood of anxiety and tension. It effects how I act, behave and respond to the people around me.
This year, I have decided to make a conscious effort in being slightly more spontaneous and not worrying as much about the negative outcome. Embrace the possibility of positive. Allow for positive thoughts, ask for what I want to receive. Releasing my fear of summer changes and embracing them with a full heart. It is a time of fun. I time to throw the schedule out the window and embrace our beautiful days. Taking our time to embrace our days, breath deeply and snell the roses. It’s a time for me to teach my kids the beauty of spontaneity (while showing them how routine and consistency is nice as well ๐Ÿ™‚ it’s a time to have a good time. Let our guards down and have fun.
Summer here we come.


Morning meditations

People will grow into the love they are shown. Show love. Give hope. Smile.

Today is a new day of beauty and light. Be thankful for what you are given. Be happy with the love and joy around you. We are who we present to the world. Show your best self. A self of love, gratitude and light. Today be kind. Be gentle. Live strong and free from resentment and judgement. Let today be a new day.