Mothers Day Hangover

Image

 

I am suffering from it today. 

The mothers day hangover. 

Yesterday was wonderful. It wasn’t much different then any other day. I just felt different.

More then usual, I was full of admiration to my three babies. They were wonderful and incredible children. They were full of spunk, creativity and happiness. I was proud to be their mama. I was feeling powerful and strong. As a woman, I was embracing my strength and beauty for being a mama. I was reading powerful quotes and other mama’s facebook status’s about being blessed and joyful for being a mama. Every where I turned was another positive affirmation about the awesomeness of motherhood. It was drinking it it. I was feeling every ounce of love. It was joyful. I was high on the beauty of the world.

Then today I woke up this morning. 

Hungover and feeling woozy.

I woke up to a screeching baby  and two little girls who were fighting over a potty. 

“I need privacy!” Chloe screams.

“I am just watching you…Just watching…Just watching you!” Charlotte retorts in her sing song voice

“MAAAAMAAAAA, Charlotte won’t stop watching me!” 

“I am just watching Chloe! BE NICE TOOO ME”

Now this is all at 6:20 am. 

I was already a bit stressed as I had slept in. I like to get up when Mr. Kennedy leaves for work, about 5:30 ish. I find this gives me time to shower, get a load of laundry started and organize the plans for the upcoming day. 

Already full of self pity and anxiety, I stumble out of bed and pick up a screaming baby. He has seen me so he has intensified his screams to a level I am sure only mama’s and dogs can hear. I take this screaming bundle of joy to the washroom with me and attempt to pee while holding him on my lap. 

Once we are settled, we both stumble our way back to the ladies rooms. I plop the now very content baby in his excersaucer and I break up the first fight of the day. It has turned from anger and aggression to exhaustion and frustration. The wreckage now includes two ladies sprawled on the floor in a full out melt down. 

Good morning mama! 

At this point I am wondering why the universe is so angry at me? what have I done to deserve this? 

The rest of the morning seems to follow the same path. 

“Charlotte, Don’t you dare smash your brothers face in the ground!”

“NO! I promise you he does not like that”

“Chloe, Please put your pants on! No Negotiations! Pants are a requirement”

By 7:30 am, I was wondering how much longer it is till nap time. 

I texted part of my mama army to come over with coffee and help me to plan my attack route for the day. All I came up with was to simply hide from the little people. It wasn’t really an option but we had some good laughs trying to figure it out.

Coffee and mama’s. That was my cure for this hang over. 

Mothers day is wonderful. A great day to remember and celebrate the wonderful thing that is a woman’s love. All the love and support for mama’s and our tough job. But the fall down to monotony of ‘ a day in the life of mama’ from the ecstasy that is ‘mothers day’ can be a little high. Today I took the fall hard. 

I love my job as a mama. But this gig can be tough. I am glad I took in ‘mothers day’ for all it was worth. I am glad that I took the time to appreciate the beauty of my children. I just seemed to forget that this morning  my regular life would happen again. Today my day was filled  with more moment of chaos then moment of time stopping beauty. 

But it is ok, because in the chaos all I need to remember is that just around the corner a moment will occur that will stop me in my tracks and remind me of the beauty that is my life. 

With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood. -Isadora Duncan

Much love, 

Jessica

 

 

Love will win

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.  ~Mary Manin Morrissey

Lately I have been getting this overwhelming sense that I am not enough. Am I happy enough? kind enough? loving enough? Creative enough? healthy enough? I fear that I am lacking the ability to be able to be enough for my family, to be good enough for them and for me.

The fear has infested my mind. It has Ram shackled the love I have and replaced it. When love is hidden, all bets are off. Fear resides and invites all of his friends. Anger, shame, resentment and judgement. It is not a place that invites joy and contentment. It is a scary and lonely place.

I know deep within the cure to my overwhelming fear is to connect, to take a moment to tell myself that what I already know. That love will win and there is plenty to go around.

The problem is I have put myself last on my ‘to-do’ list.

I lately have stepped on on my duty to care for my desires and needs. Is it because of a busy life as a mama? or is it the fear and shame wanting to keep me in state of upheaval? Whatever the reason is, I know I have had enough.

I want to know the abundance of love. The love that I bless upon myself. I want to remember that there is enough of it to go around. There is no need to hoard in my reclusive corner scared that it will all dissapear.

Love will always wait. It is here till I am ready to accept it.

Lately my Ladies have started saying, “please don’t leave with out me!” Each and every time I say to them, “My sweet girl, I will wait for you. I will always wait for you” These words speak truth to them, they calm immediately, trusting I will be here giving them what they need.

I want to do that will love. Love, beauty and moments of pure joy will always be there. All I need to do is simply hold space for them. Be ready to drink in the abundance that surrounds me.

Fear is taking up all the free space in my spirit. It is simply not cool.

Love will win today.

Much love,

Jessica

Beauty of the week, in pictures.

I have been trying to take more pictures.
Capture more moments.

We have this great camera that we were not using to its highest potential. I asked the great Jill Guthrie to show me a few pointers.
Her advice was incredible.
I am excited now to take pictures.
Meaningful and full pictures.

These are some my favorites from the week.

Enjoy.

Much love,

Jessica

“All photographs are memento mori. To take a photograph is to participate in another person’s (or thing’s) mortality, vulnerability, mutability. Precisely by slicing out this moment and freezing it, all photographs testify to time’s relentless melt.”
― Susan Sontag

Glitter Birks. What beautiful shoes.

Glitter Birks. What beautiful shoes.

Those eyes get me everytime.

Those eyes get me everytime.

Patiently waiting for cake. I am truly blessed to be able to watch my grandpa and my ladies converse and interact.

Patiently waiting for cake. I am truly blessed to be able to watch my grandpa and my ladies converse and interact.

I love seeing them wild and covered in dirt.

I love seeing them wild and covered in dirt.

how big he is getting. This special boy surprises me everyday.

How big and strong he is getting. My son. This special boy surprises me everyday.

The park, our favorite place.

The park, our favorite place.

Chloe showed Charlotte how to climb. My heart was melting  by the warmth of their sisterly love.

Chloe showed Charlotte how to climb. My heart was melting by the warmth of their sisterly love.

My favorite action shot. The intensity of the jump is amazing. He put his all into thrusting forward .

My favorite action shot. The intensity of the jump is amazing. He put his all into thrusting forward .

 She just couldn't wait to get to the top.

simply put. She just couldn’t wait to get to the top.

mama, the flower is beautiful. It is so soft.

mama, the flower is beautiful. It is so soft.

I love this picture. the sun was perfect and the shadow was great. We were walking home from the park, quiet and tired.

I love this picture.
the sun was perfect and the shadow was great. We were walking home from the park, quiet and tired.

Through eyes of wonder, we play.

DSC_0772

We play endlessly,

riding high on joy
our imagination free to be

We play endlessly,

Animals to chase
airplanes to fly
princesses to save

We play endlessly,

floating through the sand
running through the grass
splashing in the water

We play endlessly,

open to the world
with beauty all around
we see the world through eyes

full of wonder
full of instinct

for the first time

We Play Endlessly!