Beauty in the shadows

I received a message from a good friend of mine. She is a mama of three little ones all surrounding the ages of my little ones. We were drawn to each other by our own similar battles.
I met my lovely friend at a playgroup last year. We clicked. I enjoyed her company and the kids enjoyed each other. It was a good fit.
My mama friend was on her Mat leave when we started hanging out. 
It took a few months for us to go from ‘playgroup acquaintances’ to ‘playdate buddy’. 
The girls and I loved playdates with our fun new friends!
But unfortunately for us, it wasn’t long before she had to go back to work full time, as her mat leave had run out.
Needless to say, balancing a full time job and home life with your kids is a tough job. 
It leaves very little space for personal time and your own desires.
With that said, I have not seen my friend in sometime.
 I have missed seeing her but I understand whole-hearted how tough it is to fit more into an already packed life.
 
 
Receiving the message from her was nice.
I was excited to be able to touch base again with my beloved friend.  
But she seemed stressed, torn and apologetic in her message.
She was apologizing for being absent.
 She was stressed with how tough it was to balance.
She seemed torn in being her kids mama and losing her self to it.
She seemed to be feeling the overwhelming stress of trying to be yourself  (the friend, wife, and woman you are ) and being the best mama for your children. 
 
 
I read her email again and again. I thought long about how she was doing. How she was feeling and how she was coping.
I know all us mama’s have been there at one point in ‘Our journey through motherhood’.
We have all been standing on that cliff bellowing for the lost soul that was our former self.
In the midst of the panic of a lost one, we lose sight. We lose the big picture.
 
As an outside spectator of her battle, I was able to see that her ‘former self’ was not lost but only hiding.
It is only hidden in the giant shadow of her mama persona.
She is an incredible mother and that dominates her life. She wants what is best for her kids and she battles to do right by them. Her inner mama is strong and has taken on a ‘golaith’ persona in her.
But ‘she’ is still there, hidden amongst the shadows.
As we are all still there.
The beautiful woman that we are and will always be.
 
Our amazing bodies fostered and delivered new lives to this world and with that came the birth of ‘mama’. The new component of our inner being. A part in us that is strong, resilient, stubborn and overpower. It is a strong force in us that simply overtakes.
But our ‘mama force’ is like anything new. It takes time to get ‘used’ to is power. It takes time to balance it’s relationship with the rest of our being.
The task of ‘balance’ is constant. It is always with us.We are always stacking, shifting and placing within us to create a sense of harmony in our lives.
Some days it is hard but I promise you are doing amazing.
Your beauty will prevail.
 Mama solider, you will triumph.
 
When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
-Sophia Loren

My sister and me. Prior to the birth of ‘mama’. Somedays she seems lost, but I know that beautiful woman is still within me.

 

 
Much Love,
Jessica
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