spring rejuvention

I woke up this morning to birds chirping outside.
We slept with our window open.
My side of the bed is directly under the window.
It is wonderful.

Spring is here!

I used to enjoy winter to an extent (before the girls arrived) but this winter I had a dreadful time.
Maybe it was the snow pants and boots for two one year old’s or maybe I am just getting older and I have stopped most of the my winter activities (When I was younger I skied and snowboarded. Two expensive and time consuming activities.)
I just couldn’t wait for winter’s end this year.

Thank goodness it appears like we have made it through.
I believe spring is here.
A time for change and rejuvenation.

a time of change
a time of warmth
new life emerging from under sludge
the bright new colours
the bright long days

Spring is here
Hear my praise!

the world emerges
in its ballroom gown
for another chance to hit the town

the deep cold winter
has come and gone
as we sit back
and watch our new world
emerging through the ground

Change of seasons
our blessed gift
my favorite part about to hit
the change to warm and loving sun
with bright green grass
and colorful buds

with love and happy
feelings coming through
and all the warmth it brings to you.

Spring
my favorite time of year
rejuvenation and warmth
deep to my soul

I hope you all have wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica

Truth

I was re-reading my journal and found a poem a wrote.
It was written when I was in a ‘darker’ place.

This poem does not describe me today, but I wanted to share it.

Truth

My Mind,
This space,
This fear,
This sorrow

Hello my haphazard friend
welcome again

Have you come to turn me upside down?

Have you come to make me hurt?

I hate you

Your presence makes me cringe
though I know you make me whole

I wish you didn’t exist
but with out you there is no counter

no joy
no love
no fulfillment

you inclusion in me burns
your presence cuts like daggers

I endure

because after you in light
air
happy existence

after you is truth

I am sharing with you the feeling of my sad place. A place that comes and goes with me.
I felt the need to share this today because today there is truth and light.
Today is not dark.

When I wrote this I was obviously hoping for today, my day of air.
It came, like it always will.

If you endure the light will come.

“In moments of discouragement, defeat, or even despair, there are always certain things to cling to. Little things usually: remembered laughter, the face of a sleeping child, a tree in the wind-in fact, any reminder of something deeply felt or dearly loved.
No man is so poor as not to have many of these small candles. When they are lighted, darkness goes away-and a touch of wonder remains.”

– these small candles

I wish for you all a wonderful day full of truth and happy existence!

Much love,

Jessica

My new favorite product!

This isn’t my usual style for a blog post but I have to rave about this new product I tried.

For those who know me well know that I have terrible eczema.
I struggle with it everyday, and it is at its worst on my hands. The crack, they burn, and they hurt all the time. My hands are constantly in pain due to the dryness. Sometimes when I would hold a pen to write in my journal, cook dinner or change the babies diapers, my hands would burn so bad that I would cry.
I have tried numerous skin products, prescriptions and changes to my diet (I cut out all dairy for 3 weeks to see if that would help it. Minimal change to the skin issues but I did find that with less dairy in my diet my stomach felt better then it had in years, go figure!)

Nothing seemed to work.
I was truly going to give up hope.
Just learn to deal with it.
Accept that my hands will always be in pain.
Live in that state.
and then I found it….

My saving grace!

It all began last week when Lindsay and I watched a ‘marketplace’ episode on so called ‘natural skin products’ on the market and what was really in our lotions and creams. The results were truly surprising. Especially for the babies products. It really got me thinking about what I put on the girls. I though I was doing well  by using Avenno baby products. I had did some research and decided to avoid ‘johnsons and johnsons’ due the ingredients and simply due to the fact that when I put it on the babies it burned my hands like nothing I have ever felt before. I assumed Avenno was a good choice, by low and behold, Avenno is owned my ‘johnsons and johnsons’. The ingredients are not much different.

I was on a mission to find something for my girls that was natural. I am not to concerned about organic, I simply was searching for something natural. A cream/lotion/oil that used products that their bodies would recognise and absorb properly.

I tried a few places that sold natural and organic products and found some soaps and shampoos for the babies. I even found a locally made goats milk soap for me. I was successful, but I still hadn’t found a moisturizer for them.

I decided to stop into my new favorite store, Soul Scents in Almonte. I browsed the store for a bit, had a great conversation with Sara, and found a skin care line that I was hoping I would love.

It is called badger balm . I bought a tin of balm for the babies and a tin for me.

The ingredients are so simple and wonderful. The main ingredients are organic extra virgin olive oil and bees wax. Each variation of balm differs in essential oils (The balm I bought for myself is called ‘yoga  and meditation’ and contains cedarwood, Mandarin, sandalwood, ginger, frankincense, vertivert, calendula, rosehip and myrrh. It smells amazing.)
There is nothing else in it. The two oils and essential oils.
It is incredible.

I have been using the balm on my hands and body and I truly cannot put into words how fantastic it is working. This morning I woke up with out dryness in my hands.
I have not felt that in months!

I am very happy today!
My hands don’t hurt and I didn’t realize how much that affected my mood!

If any of you struggle with dry skin, eczema or are just looking for a new skin products that leaves out the chemicals and unknowns and is a little more ‘real’, I highly recommend checking out badger balm.
It is amazing!

As crude a weapon as the cave man’s club, the chemical barrage has been hurled against the fabric of life.
– Rachel Carson

I hope you all have a wondeful day!

Much love,

Jessica

A little peace through reading

I just put my babies down for a morning rest.
Before every nap/rest and before bedtime, I have started reading them a chapter from a childrens novel.
I used to do this when they were first brought home.
I think I did it then to save my sanity.
You see, I love to talk and I found the long days alone with the girls while they still slept for 18 hours in the day were tough for me.
So I would read.
I read out loud.
Anything at all, just to keep my sanity.

I stopped doing this when the girls were able to move. They would crawl all over me and try to steal the books and rip the pages. It was too frustrating to always be moving the book and fend off attack babies.
So we stopped this beloved practice.

I decided to start it again just recently.

You see, a couple week ago a new phase for my children set in. They have become very sensitive (especially Chloe). The cry alot more and alot louder. If you look at them the wrong way they will scream bloody murder, and you don’t even want to know what happens if we tell them no.
They scream more and steal each other toys, southers and blankets.
They will cry if I walk out of a room even for the slightest second.
Choas ensues when myself, Court or my parents actually leaves the house without them.
They get themselves all in a tizzy.
It can be very hard to get them to calm down.

At this point I will try anything to keep the peace and calm energy in my house.

So I started reading novels to them again.

Not in the conventional way, where the little ones sit in your lap calmly and happy while you read a book to them. i doubt my children will ever be able to do that.

I do it in a much more logical way.

I plunk them in their crib and sit far enough away that they cannot grab the pages of the book.

Sometimes they cry, fuss or scream and I just keep reading.
Each day the crying last less and less.

The calmness of my voice and consistency of the dialogue seems to get them to calm down. They even lie down with thier duckie or bear-bear and relax.

It can be quite nice.
Calm and peaceful.
and if it is only for story time that I get peace for the day, then it is worth it.
It is better then nothing.

This morning we just finished ‘Charlotte’s Web’.
I forgot how fantastic that book is.
It is deep, philosphical and simply just cute.

Next I think we will read ‘The BFG’ by Roald Dahl.

“This hallowed doorway was once the home of Charlotte. She was brilliant, beautiful, and loyal to the end. Her memory will be treasured forever.”

-Charlottes Web (EB White)

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica

My love

Life as a mom with twins,
Stressful, busy, chaotic and always so full.
Full of noise, full of toys, full of joy!
I always feel like I am running on a treadmill. Never completly getting everything done that is needed and always striving to do better.
I am always busy.
Being a a mom of twins is one of the biggest accomplishments of my life.
It is a postion that was easy to recieve but is a challenge everyday.

Some days the challenege is difficult, hard to catch the flow, tough to stay afloat. Other days seem to come organically and naturally, like and old pair of shoes that I can slip right into. Everyday seems to elicit new struggles and new adventures.

Being a mom of twins is a pactice of will poer and strength. I push myself furthur then I used to.
I strive to be a good mom. To be a loving mom. To be a happy mom.
This can come easy, but somedays I need to push.
I need to not give up.
I am not allowed to wallow.
I am not allowed to cave.
I am not allowed to give up.
My girls depend on me.

They are my life.
My soul
My love

Children make you want to start life over.  ~Muhammad Ali
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
much love,
Jessicaο»Ώ

poetry

I have been writing alot of poetry this last few weeks. It has taken all my writing away from the blog. I would post everyday becasue I have been writing everyday, but I find I am much more lenient with posting all my poetry. I think I become more attached to my poems then just my blog posts. I just can bear they idea of them being judged. They are personal, they are truly me.
But either way, I did post a recent poem I wrote…
Hope you enjoy, don’t be too tough, I am no professional.

Memories held in time

Those moments
held with pure joy
in the web of memory
their delicate existence
their wanting desire

they come in an instant
leave with no questions
moments I will always remeber
moments like this

how I feel
how I change
how they make me be

moments with you
I will never forget

Hope you have a wondeful day!

Much love,

Jessica