What a wonderful time!

I have been quite a blog slacker for the past week and a half. Shame on me!
I had slept in a bunch of mornings last week.
I guess I needed my sleep.

Well here I am today, 5:39 am and ready to write.

This weekend was a wonderfully busy weekend. We had my godsons baptism on Saturday (with a wonderful celebrations after) and the girls baptism on Sunday.
It was great!
Baptisms are such happy events. The blessing of a precious child is one of the best reason to celebrate.
It was great to have a jam packed weekend of celebration. Lots of family and friends, lots of food and lots of laughs!

(input funny story:  This has no relevance to my blog post, but it just happened and there is no one up to share in the humour of this story with me, so I am going to write it down.
I just went upstairs to the twinies room because there were some squawks on the monitor. I found Chloe standing at her crib with her head resting on the frame and her  blanket covering her head. She was moaning but still sleeping. Poor thing was probably so confused, I actully have no idea how she stood up in her sleepy state and was able to throw a blanket over her head….oh my girls πŸ™‚ )

Back to the weekend of wonderful celebration.
After the girls baptism, we had a reception at my moms house. There was probably 25 people packed in the living room and dining room at my parents. It was hilarious how full it was, but it didn’t appear like anyone minded. There was lots of  food, drink and wonderful people. It was one of those shindigs that was just perfect. The adults were eating and being merry and the children were laughing and playing. Conversation was wonderful, the energy was relaxed and happy, and everyone seemed content. It was a day that feeds your soul with light and happiness.

The girls were ‘rockstars’ during it all. They lapped up the attention and were just perfect. Even though they were exhausted, they didn’t let it bother them.  It was wonderful to see them so happy. Actually, all the kids who were there seemed happy.
There is truly nothing better then to watch then a happy child. Their happiness is one of the most contagious things!

After about 3 hours of sunday afternoon partying, The guests started to head on their way. Some needed to get home for nap time, others needed  to drive back to school but most headed out to progress with the rest of their day.
The girls finally allowed us to put them down for a nap and a few of us stuck around upstairs with the leftover food and a few drinks. It was my uncle Johnny, aunt Jocelyn, stepdad, cousin Casey and her boyfriend Skylar, cousin Kelly, my mom, my sister Meg and her husband Mur (for a bit), Court and myself that stayed sitting around the round table in my parents living room.

It started of as a conversation like any other. I think we all planned on saying a few things about the baptism then saying our good byes and heading out, but that did not happen.
It turned into one of those unexpected afternoons were you realize you all have been talking and laughing for 4 hours and you feel wonderful.
It was one of those afternoons that brings you so much closer to the ones you love.
It created memories and laughs.
The conversations made you realize things you have been missing and reminded you to take your blinders of and notice more.
It made us remeber and reminise.
It made us realize that we really are not that different from one another.
Not once did you look at your watch (except when we realized the babies were still sleeping and we needed to know what time it was so we could marvel it the epicness of their nap.)
Not once did you wish you were somewhere else.

You were where you are supposed to be.

It was one of those days that made you realized how lucky you are to have such wonderful people in your life.

This weekend rejuvinated me. This weekend made my soul sing. It reconnected me to the important people in my life and my childrens life.

The moments of this weekend fill my spirit with wonderful memories and feelings, from the beautiful baptimsal ceremony of my godson Cameron on Saturday night to the jokes and laughs during of conversations around the table at my parents on Sunday afternoon and everything in between.

The memories I cherish (from days like this weekend) help mould the person I strive to be and the happiness that I feel.

I wish you all a wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica

The reading rainbow

I have not blogged since Saturday. It feels weird to have gone that long.
I got myself caught up in an incredible book this weekend and I indulged in it every chance I got, therefore taking away from my writing time. (I read The Help by Kathryn Stockett, I highly recommend checking it out!)

I have been reading alot more lately. It has been lovely. I absolutely love to read. Before the twins, I would always have a book on the go. I was always reading something. That stopped when they arrived. I did not feel like I had the mental capacity to use my brain to think ofa nything more then diaper changes and feedings. Last year, I was only reading books required by my book club. They were few and far between and I even listened to one of the book on audio tape instead of reading. Last year I was not the avid reader I usually am.

But things seem to have changed.
To start, I feel like something has changed in my family dynamic. The girls do not require as much from me. There are chunks in the day where we are all in the living room and they really want nothing to do with me. They are quite content to play together on the floor or on the couch. As long as I am close by they are happy.
I have started to take advantage of these times and pull out my kobo. I’ll read a chapter or two and then get on the floor with  the girls and play. Once they get tired of me, I read another chapter. It is quite nice for all of us.
I find that reading in the same room during the twins ‘independant play times’ is much better then trying to clean or do chores. They seem to much rather see me be relaxed and close by then running around my house cleaning as they play. It works out great for everyone. Sometimes I will even read a page or two outloud to my playing girls. Most of the time they could care less but I have noticed that Chloe has started to mimic me. She grabs her books and holds them in her lap and murmurs baby talk as she tries to flip pages. It is adorable. It melts my heart a little to see her do that!
(Chloe is alot like me in personality. I am sure she will love to read like her mommy. Charlotte is alot like her daddy. Courtney is not an avid reader, so I am not surprised Charlotte does not use her book to read but as steps to climb on to the couch or toys to smash togther and make noise.)

And the second change towards my old reading self is my mind space.
It has changed.
I want to challenge my brain again.
Some days I would feel like my mind was melting and that I have not done anything to work with my brain. I think that is why I started reading and writing again. I love my job as a stay at home mom (who works part time at a spa), but none of my daily ‘jobs’ really push the bounds of my intellect. I am now at a place in my ‘discovery of motherhood’ where I am comfortable with our routine and am ready to add in a little more challenge, intellectually.
It has been nice to embrace a little bit of the old me again into my life and my daughters life.

Reading opens my mind a little more.
I find that indulging in other peoples storytelling or history allows me to open my mind to their world, rather then be trapped in my head.
I am able to read about things that make me happy, sad, angry, or enlightened. I have that choice. I choose which books I read, therefore I am choosing my moods and feelings.
It allows me to remeber the bigger picture.
It helps me to stay grounded to my life by showing me whatelse is out in the world and what other people say and feel about their lives.
By staying grounded to my big picture, I focus less on minor details and stresses.
For me, reading is integral in my happiness.

No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrendar yourself to self choosen ignorance.
Confucius

I wish you all a wonderful day!

Much Love,

Jessica

More like myself

Yesterday We walked and walked. The ladies and I took advantage of the beautiful weather! It was amazing! Spring like temperatures in February really work wonders on the energy level πŸ™‚

On our morning walk I decided to come the long way home since the girls were catching a few Zs.

This long way brought me past the high school in Almonte. As I walked past my old school, I noticed a sign that said “Grade Nine information night”  I started thinking, how many years has it been since I was in grade nine? How long has it been since I was that  little kid about to embark on the huge and exciting experience of high school?

I quickly did the math and it has been 11 years. I believe I started grade nine the fall of 1999.

11 years, holy smokes, it definitely doesn’t feel like 11 years!

Just thinking about how long it had been since high school, got me thinking and reminiscing about that time in my life.

Most people when asked will say they hated high school and couldn’t wait to get out of there.

High school was for me filled with awkwardness, heartbreak, change, and frustration. It was a time in which I was growing up and on most days was frustrated with who I was becoming. So you would believe that I fit in the the category of ‘hating the high school experience’, but I don’t.

I truly loved high school, then and now (probably more now, as I tend to only really remember the good things) True, I couldn’t wait to get out of there, but I am Sagittarius and it is in our make up to crave change.

I met my husband in high school. My best friends I had then are still my best friends now. My favorite memories of my friendships and relationships usually involve high school some how.

The steps I took then in those years were critical to shaping who I have become today.

If you would have asked the little grade nine Jess if this is were she would see her self in 11 years, I can promise you the way my life has turned out would have not been her answer.

In grade nine, I had spectacular elaborate plans for my adulthood. I was going to travel the world and live a romanticized life of travelling and working. I saw these women in movies I watched  and the books I read, they were doing these amazing things all over the world and I was going to be like that. I was going to travel and experience and when I felt ready i would find someone to settle down with and have a family. I wasn’t going to have kids at a young age.  I wasn’t sure on what I was going to do with my life but I knew that I was going to make it great, and It wasn’t going to be ordinary.

Today that is not really how my life looks. I settled down with my high school boyfriend, I had kids when I was young and I haven’t travelled much.

But I am truly OK with that. I have absolutely no regrets. Living and working abroad was not for me. It is the path for many others and that is amazing but I know now that it was not my path. 

My goals changed over my teen years and twentys. I grew up and changed. I truly accepted the fate that was in front of me. I think that is why those years are so awkward and hard, your forced to change your perceptions of how your life is shaping up.  You are trying to fit into the mould that you have created for yourself. Your fighting these inner battles and trying to discover really what makes you happy.

I discovered my life and goals, I didn’t travel all over the world like I dreamed I would be 11 years ago, but I did do one thing do one thing to honor my grade nine self.

I am making my life great and It is definitely not ordinary.

We grow neither better nor worse as we get old but more like ourselves
Mary Lamberton

I hope you have a wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica

Let nature flow in

Yesterday I blogged about being exhausted. Well that feeling did not go away during the day. I hoped it was going to pass but it did not. If anything it got worse.

It all went down hill at snack time, I’ll tell you why.

I was really pushing myself to have more energy. I got the girls up, dressed and fed and they were playing in the living room contently. They got cranky so they went for a morning rest and I cleaned. Once I was done cleaning, I got the girls and decided to get outside with them.
We had to have snack first, so I boiled a couple eggs for the three of us.
I thought I had boiled them enough to be ‘hardboiled eggs’ but I did not. Once they were peeled, I noticed that the yokes were still runny. Cleverly, I put them in the microwave to cook up the yokes. They were producing alot of steam when I took them out. I waited a few minutes and though it would be best if I tried my egg first.

As I bit into the egg, it exploded in my face.

You heard me, EXPLODED! Egg pieces everywhere, steam and heat hitting my face!

It was wild and it really hurt. My lips are all burnt and dry now. It was awful. I had to suck on a bag of ice for nearly an hour to get rid of the pain on my lips and gums.

I guess you aren’t suppose to put eggs in the microwave without puncturing them a little. Lesson learned!

Well needless to say I got pretty whiny after the egg explosion accident and didn’t want to do anything. We didn’t go outside, we just stayed in. My whole face hurt and all I wanted to do was go to bed. It did not help the mood.

Last night I decided, no more half ass days of exhaustion!
Friday was going to be a good day.
I went to bed early woke up at 4:45 am and went for a walk.

Getting outside on a wonderfully warm morning is exactly what I needed. I escaped by myself, but in a healthy way. I didn’t disappear to my bed and ignore the world. I just had exactly what I was craving, alone time.

Being outside brought me out of my head for a bit. It let me forget about the complexity of my inner problems and reminded me of the simplicity of the world around me. It reminded me of beauty and peace. Being outside this morning brought me energy and excitement for the day!

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy., while care will drop off like autumn leaves

John Muir

I didn’t climb a mountain, like the quote said, but I believe this quote can transcend to all experience to nature and the great outdoors. I let my walk energize me and all my trouble drop off like autumn leaves.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica

The end of the rope

I am still feeling preoccupied. I don’t even know what I want to write about today. I hate that. I have no energy and all I want to do is sleep, and not because I am tired, just because.  I am in a daze and want to break it.

I found this quote that I liked. It got me inspired to write.

β€œWhen you get to the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on.”
– Franklin D Roosevelt
We all get like this at some point, right? Where we have come to the end of our rope. Where we just feel Spent. Done. Finished.
All we want to do it be selfish, ignore responsibilities and indulge. To some that may be curling up in bed and sleeping all day or eating a whole box of chocolate by yourself as you watch awful TV. To others it may be disappearing for the day for a solo shopping trip or having a massive cry. Each of us has our own way to deal with mental exhaustion.
I tend to be the one who wants to disappear, it could be in my bed for the day or actually out of my house. It never really matters, I just like to disappear.
I cannot do that right now.
Damn!
I am going to put my remaining energy to figuring out ways to help me reconnect. I hope by reconnecting I start to feel less exhausted.
I think I will focus on my ‘improvement plans’ for my life (‘my journey to better health’ and ‘my budget cleanse’ , I have blogged about those previously πŸ™‚
Hopefully by directing my energy to feeling better, I will leave this exhaustion behind.
I do feel like I have gotten to then end of my rope. But this morning, I tied the knot and I am holding on. I am going to try and climb way back up.
Much love,
Jessica

my budget cleanse

Today I am preoccupied. I am thinking to much about our budget and online banking. Thinking about this stuff does not make me happy. I don’t like money, it stress me out. But I have to change that thought process. I have to get rid of the financial fear. I have to be the change I want to see. If I don’t like out finacial situation, I have to be the change in it.

I noticed latley I have been spending too much money. Nothing crazy, I just haven’t been paying attention to the little things. I have been loosley spending $10 here and $20 there. It is starting to add up.

So I am going on a budget cleanse,
I am going to try something out for the next two weeks. I am not going to spend any money, except my grocery budget of $100 a week, gas of $50 a week, and weekly allowance of $20 (I know it is weird that Court and I have allowance, but we find it is helpful to have so we don’t go spending non-chalantly. When we are finacially organized and doing good, we always seem to have an allowance.)
No more lunches out at work, no more take out coffee, no more online shopping or buying clothes.

I just have to buckle down and realize when it comes to stuff, I have more then enough!

I truly am blessed to have a roof over my head, food in my fridge and home full of love, I just want that home to be a little more finacially secure!

Any sensible family has a budget that lays out how much will be spent. Without such planning, things would go quickly awry.

Walter Ulbricht

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica

The truth to my lessons

What do I want my children to learn from me?
What words of motherly wisdom do I want my girls to hold close to their soul?

As their mother, I am going to be one of the most influential people in my girls life. The way I live my life will sink deep into their souls as the mature into woman. They will use the dynamic of our relationship as a base point for the development of other relationships in their life. The lessons and values I teach them will resign within their being. How I am in life will help them to become the person they will become.

Wow.

This made me think,

What do I want them to associate with when they think of me and our relationship?
What lessons have I learned in my life that I want them to understand?

To start, I want them to know that I love them unconditionally. That they are my life and that I love them more then I could have ever imagined was possible. I will always be there for them no matter what.  

I want them to know that they can be or do whatever they want.
They have the power to do anything. Never should they feel pigeoned holed into life choices. The world is theirs to explore and allow them to become their true selves

To live full of love.
I want them to understand that loving themselves and the world around them will bring them immense happiness. Showing and expressing love is truly important!

To be true to themselves.
To never feel like they have to change because someone said so. I never want them think that the have to give into the temptation of changing themselves to fit in. I want to teach them that their uniqueness is awesome, and that people will appreciate it.

Be nice and do good things for personal well being, not for validation.
There won’t always be some there to pat your back when you do something wonderful. Do wonderful things just because.

Find happiness and keep it.
Find what makes you happy and strive to maintain it. Happiness always makes things a little easier.

Share your life with a person that makes you laugh.
Vanity will always fade. Share your precious life with people how make you laugh and that you have fun with. Laughter have wonderful healing properties.

But I also want them to know that life won’t always be easy. Sometimes it will kick you down and sit on you. It will make you believe you cannot get up.
I want them to know that you can get up. With persistence and strength, it can happen. Nothing is as hard as it seems, and some day you will look back and realize how those hard time was meant for your own growth. The hard times are meant to show you how amazing the good times are. 

As I write this I realize that as mother and child, we have so much we both bring to the table.
We are both teaching each other how to be the people we are meant to be.
I want to teach my children that they can be whoever they want to be and to live their life full of happiness love and fulfillment. I want to show them that they have the power to be whomever they want, and that I will always be there for them.

As I teach my children the life lessons I believe are important, my children are showing me they are true. They show me that I am living my life full of happiness, love and fulfillment. Their presence of innocence has made me believe that we truly can do anything we want.
They have made me truly become the person I want to be.

They are the living proof of the things I always hoped were true, that true happiness does exist.

While we try to teach our children important lessons of life,  
Our children show us the truth in these lessons.

I wish you all a marvelous day!

Much love,

Jessica