Today is my sweet little girls 1st birthday.
Chloe and Charlotte are one year old today. I still can’t believe it! My little ladies are growing up right before my eyes.
Last year at this time I was lying in a hospital bed, waiting to be brought to the O.R. I was reading “Can you keep a secret?” and letting Court sleep on the chair beside me. This was all in a attempt to try to keep my mind off the anticipation of seeing my babies for the first time and worry about what my life was going to be like in just a few hours. The months of preparation while I was pregnant could not have prepared me for this last year.
This last year was life-altering. Truly life-changing. Chloe and Charlotte emerged into this world turned everything upside down. We immediately knew that they were special. They were special to us. They completed us.
I am not going to lie and say that transitioning into a new family was not hard, because all dramatic change is hard. It was tough. The first 6 months are a blur of diapers, bottles and exhaustion. I mourned the loss of of old life and my total sense of selfish freedom. The dynamic between Court and I had changed. We were parents.We had to work as a full powering team. It was difficult to do that. My old style of dealing with him was to yell at him, tell him I was right and leave to cool down. Not a good communication method when you have two babies you both are responsible for.
Nothing was the same once I met Chloe and Charlotte, because once they were in my life, they were my life. They were my reason for existence.
I had let my old selfish being melt away to make room for the new ‘mommy’ being. I realized that this is where I am suppose to be. The dynamics in my relationships and life had changed but I couldn’t imagine going back to the way they were before.
My reason for existence, my precious girls, have changed everything for me. A year ago they came to be, and brought with them intensity to emotions that I had never felt before.
I will never forget the joy I felt the first time I held them, so small and delicate.
Or the fear and adrenaline that over came me when Chloe choked on her bottle for the first time. Nothing had ever scared me so much as the though of her not being able to breath.
Or the confidence as a mom I felt when I realized that I could cuddle both of them at the same time.
Or the happiness when they said “mama” for the first time
Or the love I feel when I see Court playing with our girls and the look of unconditional love that they have for him, and knowing they have the same look for me.
Or the pure joy I feel everyday when they smile at me.
Or the pride I feel when they learn a new skill. How the look over at me with their beautiful big blue eyes and a huge smile. It is like they are saying “I did it! Look at me mommy, I did it!”
Chloe and Charlotte are the reason I want to be a better person. They make me believe that I can be. For two wee little things, they are very powerful.
They are two very special girls. They have filled this year with amazing memories, and I can’t wait to make more special memories with them.
Happy Birthday Chloe and Charlotte.
I love you forever,
I’ll like you for always
as long as I am living
my babies you’ll be!