To start, I want to thank everyone who seemed genuinely concerned about my mental space/bad day on Tuesday. Thank you!
It such an amazing feeling to realize that there are so many people who love you and want to help you through your bad days. I truly feel blessed to have the friends and family I have.
I also come bearing good news. Yesterday was a great day. I felt so much better. I got a great sleep, woke up to a super happy husband (Court is about to start a new job that he has waited for a while and I think the idea of the change is making him extremely happy), had time to blog and get ready for the morning. It started of fantastic. Once the girls got up, we were able to have a calm enough breakfast and then head out. We went for a long walk and then headed up to the early years center playgroup. It was so nice. The girls got fresh air and got to play with new toys and other children. They loved it. I also got some much needed fresh air, watched my children have a ball and got to interact with some pretty cool parents at the playgroup. The morning was fantastic.
Since playgroup tuckered the ladies out, their nap was an epic 3 hours. It gave me lots of time to cross of some tasks from my to do list, do a yoga blog post and even downloaded some beautiful music. It was nice. I even got to go for a nice long walk with a great friend in the evening. The day was shaping up to be a day that fills me with joy.
I did however have one slip up. I was kind of thinking about leaving it out since the rest of the day was a perfect day for the ‘happiness project’ but that would not be cool. I need to honest!
So here it is, my blip:
Once Court gets home, it is always nice. The babies are excited. He is excited. They play for a while, it is great! This usually gives me like 20 minutes to get organized and ready for the chaos of the night. I need to use that time wisely to feel organized to deal with my little ladies at there worst time of their day.
I however decided to watch ‘Oprah’ instead. I really was setting myself up for disaster.
She was having a special on happiness. I was to excited to see it!
So for whatever reason, I decided that because I wanted to watch Oprah right then, that my children would be calm and quiet and dinner would magically get ready on its own. I can tell you that plan was a epic failure. The ladies were chaotic, they were over excited daddy was home and getting hungry. Court was trying so hard to keep them calm as he could see I really wanted to see this special, but it wasn’t really working. I got internally frustrated and paused/taped the show for after dinner.
“OK” I said to myself as I got dinner ready “You handled that well. You didn’t project an angry or frustrated attitude on to your family. good on you!”
Well I felt good, I didn’t get to angry at Court for not doing a better job at ‘containing’ the babies, which I know that really nobody could have done. I didn’t get to frustrated at the fact that I had two extra demanding girls that day. I just dealt with it. This was a step in the right direction.
We had dinner, went up for bath time and came back down for a little bit of play before bed. The little ladies were much happier and were playing independently on the floor, so I decided to finally watch Oprah.
Well I started to watch it, and Court kept trying to talk to me. He kept wanting to show me stuff on the Internet. I got mad at him. I wanted to be left alone to watch my show. I know it is awful. I acted like a terrible wife and friend. He just wanted to engage with me after a long day and I got frustrated with him. Then to make it even worse, the PVR messed up and didn’t tape the end of the show. I got very mad and took it out on him. I acted like it was his fault. It was immature behaviour. It was an awful 10 minutes of the night.
Luckily, he was in a great mood last night so he just brushed off my behaviour as a ‘blip’ in the day and didn’t seem to take any of it personally. I am glad for that.
It didn’t take long for me become ‘me’ again. I think Court noticed how bad I felt for my momentary craziness and he put on “Just the way you are” by Bruno Mars (we sing that to the girls, it is a really cute song, the girls giggle every time) and we danced around with the babies. (I am sure Courts masculinity would not appreciate me telling you that he danced and sang to Bruno Mars, but I think this is an important part of the story. )
I felt better. It was a surprise to me to see my family happy to want to be around me after I acted the a Class A grump! I guess that is the true meaning unconditional love.
Now the irony of this story is that the special was on Happiness. I created so much drama for a special on HAPPINESS.
I made me think that maybe we spend so much time reading and trying to understand things like happiness, that we forget to notice the moments that make us happy. If I wasn’t so concerned with the Oprah special, I would have noticed more moments of simple pure joy in my own home last night. Simple moments in the night with my family that would have made me much happier, definitely happier then then seeing Oprah talk about who is the happiest city in America.
So today, if a moment arises that I am getting frustrated about not being able to get something done, I am going to remember that the moments around me are much better and fulfilling then the task I need/want to get done.
I hope you hall have a fulfilling day!