This weekend I went full force on becoming a happier me. I decided to putting most of my energy towards being nicer. Simply that, being a nicer person. That includes nagging less and not losing my cool. This had a major effect on Courtney and the babies. Since they are the people that interact with me the most.
I am a terrible nag to Courtney. I can be quite mean to him. I love him dearly so why do I feel that I am allowed to take all the frustrations of my life out on him? I guess I have just been programmed to think that is the job of a husband, to become an emotional punching bag for his wife. Well upon further breakdown, I realized that this behaviour is awful. Courtney and all husband for that matter want the same thing, to be treated as they treat others, and Court treats me (as well as the ones he cares about) with respect, love and with alot of humour.
I am talking alot about Court, and this change wasn’t just for him and the relationship we have together. It is was for all the relationships I am cultivating in my life. It just so happens “The Courtney and Jessica Show” is the main dynamic of my life right now, so it is easiest to analysis that relationship for this exercises of being a nicer person.
So I started yesterday, consciously being nicer, and I was surprised at how hard that can be. I had to bite my tongue a few times during the day not to nag at shovelling the driveway or whatever other task needed to get done. I was extra calm and if I felt that I was about to lose it I was took a deep breath and count to 10 (thanks mom for the tip:) and that seemed to help. I found that near the end of the day when I was getting exhausted, it took much more effort to be overly nice. I kept trying to think of this one line that Gretchen uses in her book,
‘act the way you want to feel’.
So when I felt like screaming at Courtney to keep the babies amused while I made dinner, I just acted like I was have a super duper fun time with the babies in kitchen grabbing at my leg while I made dinner. I sang and danced and let them cook with me. And you know what, I started to truly have a good time with them ‘bugging’ me while I tried to get the task done. I noticed how all they really wanted was a few minutes of my undivided attention, then they were all right to play on he floor beside me. The girls were happy, I was happy, Court was happy and dinner got made. What else did I need?
I do feel like I pulled it off being a very pleasant person with only a few potholes along the way. But I think that over time, this whole nice thing will become alot more natural and less of a ‘task’.
I noticed that as I acted more involved and actively listened to Courtney and my children and not just nod and try and do another task at the same time, they returned the favour. Especially Courtney. If I took the time to listen to him talk about his football game, or his videogamesthen he took the time to ask me about my yoga class. The effect of ‘treat other how to want to be treated’ was very obvious to me last night. And having some undivided attention from him made me happy and it made me even happier to see how good he felt with some undivided attention from me.
Being nice made me happy!
My conclusion of yesterday’s start to this project is, being nice can be hard but it is worth it.
I am going to focus on keeping it up today, maybe even add in some more time to sing! Alot of singing yesterday made me feel happy too.