My mom texted me. We text now. My mom and I, semi regularly…and I love it.
I love texting. It’s one of my favourite things to do. My day gets filled up conversations with people I adore talking to. I love talking, always. And now with today’s technology, having conversations in my own introverted world is so much easier…but that is a topic for another day. 😊
So now I text my mom. I adore her conversations. I adore talking to my mom. So we talk more often, and her texting etiquette is getting so much better.
Last Friday we were texting. I was telling her about a new tunic I had bought for a date night with courtney. We were heading to the NAC for a comedy show. I was telling her it was burgundy, how it was flowed, the linen was delicate and embroidered. It was my new hippy tunic. She joked with me to make sure I rubbed lavender on as well, to seduce court with… ( the smell of lavender is not is his favourite…it’s a big joke in our family, since the kids and I smell of lavender often)
I responded to her text saying something along the lines of…’haha, gosh right?! We all know how much he loves my hippy perfume…lol…we are so different!’
My mom wrote me later in the day saying: ‘opposites attract, you should really write a book about that’
Confused, I responded with: ‘a book about a wannabe hippy girl who marries jockish boy and how they created three kids who are hilarious melds of their opposite personalities?
She responded with ‘yes, and even I would read that book, and we both know how much I live to read…lol’
I though about that for a while. Writing a book. A book about me. The idea seems so indulgent.
Because really what do I have to say that hasn’t already been said more brillantly, more beautifully and more clearly?
I know my mom would read it. She loves me. She reads what I write, just like I read Chloe and Charlotte’s stories like they are Pulitzer Prize winning pieces of art. She hears my words like I hear the songs Canton creates with wonder and beauty. She sees the art I create like any parent sees their children’s art, like it is most breathtaking thing they have ever seen.
Of course my mom wants me to write a book. My mom thinks her daughters can do anything. But did I believe I could write anything worth reading? Do I believe anyone wants to read the words I write, the stories I weave? My writing has no comparison to the beautiful words and stories already created.
And then I was reminded of this quote I had saved on my google drive for just the right moment:
The answer is YES. You should write. Even though everything’s already been said beautifully. Even though there’s nothing new under the sun. Even so. Because there may be nothing new to say, but if you haven’t spoken up yet – then there is a new VOICE to hear. That’s all we have – our voices. No two are the same. No one sees the world QUITE like you do, and no one else can tell us your story QUITE like you could. You are our only chance to know you. You’re it. If you yearn to use your voice and you don’t – we will all suffer for it. Be brave. Be audacious enough to consider that your story is worth telling and your voice is worth hearing. The secret it- it IS. Your story and your voice are worthy of occupying some space in this world. Take it, Sister. Take your space.
Glennon Doyle Melton
I thought to my self, that quite possibly nobody wanted to read my words and that was ok. Just like anything we do, we should do it for ourselves first and foremost. We are our number one supporters. We need to carry ourselves through this life with fulfillment and beauty, if not, no one else will. We do what we love, we create for the love of ourselves, for fulfilling a dream, a destiny a purpose. We do all this for ourselves, Not the validation of others.
I have my voice. My stories. And I write, I share for me.
So mom, once again you are right.
I should write a book, because I have always wanted to. Simply put because it seems right to me.
Because I have a voice.
A woman who is a complicated sometimes loner, a bossy oldest 1st born child. A woman who loves talking but sometimes gets scared of social interaction. A girl who often doubts the things she has said while nervous. I have the voice and words of a woman who loves poetry, has hippy dreams but struggles to figure out who she is. A girl who gets angry often, who gets easily excited, who feels guilty, who believes in love and trusts it always wins. My voice is filled with laughter lost days, and sometimes a darkness that looms over head. A woman much too complicated, but yet held together with simplicity.
And this girl married a sports loving boy, with a playful heart. A man who loves to laugh. Who has complicated emotions. Who easily makes mistakes and feels deep regret, very quickly. Who is harder on himself then anyone on the outside. The youngest child mentality of carefree spontinatity. Who’s soul is so deep, sometimes it feels it takes an eternity for it to show its depth and for him to come up from the ravine.
And these two created three lives. A mash up of their unique beings.
The twin girls, who form a tapestry of eccentricity. Who souls wind into one other as fluid as water. Chloe with her mothers anxious soul, her fathers competitive nature and her own deep artistic ways and Charlotte with her mother love of words, her own deep compassion and her father’s sense of humour.
A boy child , Canton, with his mothers fears and ability to love hard, his father ‘s playful heart and his own way of seeing beauty in almost everything.
These five are my story. They are us. The voice I have been blessed with.
With my voice I tell this story. A story that only I get the privilege to share. Because like the beautiful Glennon Melton says, you voice and story are worthy of occupying space in this world. Take your space in this world. Take it sister!